A quote shared to my was an answer to a long time struggle....

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James

So I have been dealing with a lot of stuff in the last year or two. It has been hard for me to be alone in Bakersfield and not have friends. I guess I have been pampered when I was in Hawaii, having so many friends, even considered them family to call and just talk to...even share stories, laughters, and tears with. It has been a blessing for me and my family to be given the opportunity to get to know what we are capable of as we strive to live through struggles and challenges alone. I guess it was a good struggle because I have my husband and son to draw strength from.

However, in the last 2 years, I have gone through personal challenges of envy, jealousy, and hate. It has been from mis-communication with friends, planned activities not going through, personal struggles, not feeling at ease with some decisions I make, not being able to feel my self worth, and a lot more to tell...

I have been able to sit and think of why I feel this way...and when I read the quote...it hit me... "clearly the fear that [I] do not have value"... I have been feeling this because of envy for others...and that I do not value myself...

I wish it was easy to say...but Christ didn't have it easy as well. Being in this situation has taught me that I am not alone. That I have someone to turn to for comfort. Christ has been through all the hurt, pain, afflictions, and suffering that I may, in turn partake of the blessing of the atonement. All I have to do is to "Put all [my] energy into building [my] personal and emotional security. Then [I] will be the one others envy, and [I] can remember the pain and reach out to them."