Creating Memories Worth remembering

A quote shared to my was an answer to a long time struggle....

2011-07-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." ~Jennifer James

So I have been dealing with a lot of stuff in the last year or two. It has been hard for me to be alone in Bakersfield and not have friends. I guess I have been pampered when I was in Hawaii, having so many friends, even considered them family to call and just talk to...even share stories, laughters, and tears with. It has been a blessing for me and my family to be given the opportunity to get to know what we are capable of as we strive to live through struggles and challenges alone. I guess it was a good struggle because I have my husband and son to draw strength from.

However, in the last 2 years, I have gone through personal challenges of envy, jealousy, and hate. It has been from mis-communication with friends, planned activities not going through, personal struggles, not feeling at ease with some decisions I make, not being able to feel my self worth, and a lot more to tell...

I have been able to sit and think of why I feel this way...and when I read the quote...it hit me... "clearly the fear that [I] do not have value"... I have been feeling this because of envy for others...and that I do not value myself...

I wish it was easy to say...but Christ didn't have it easy as well. Being in this situation has taught me that I am not alone. That I have someone to turn to for comfort. Christ has been through all the hurt, pain, afflictions, and suffering that I may, in turn partake of the blessing of the atonement. All I have to do is to "Put all [my] energy into building [my] personal and emotional security. Then [I] will be the one others envy, and [I] can remember the pain and reach out to them."

Physical and emotional pain...

2010-06-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

I guess its about time that I shared something worth talking about. I came accross a situation where I am torn between 2 evils...Physical or emotional Pain...whatever the reason ehind it, I struggle with being in agreement to which one is better. But I guess if I had to choose, I would rather take the Physical pain than emotional pain. Physical pain heals...as time goes by, it tends to be forgotten...but then again, it leaves an emotional effect...in time, after so much of the Physical pain...leads to one huge chunk of emotional trauma...drama and all the weight that comes with it...Having said that...I would choose to I guess avoid both than have one that leads to the other...

Forgiveness is hard to give but it is better to give it away if it means that I am free from the Physical and emotional Pain that comes with not giving it away. I am greatful for one thing that I have learned on my mission, and that is the blessing of the atonement of Christ. I guess without it, I would have not realized that whatever type of pain I will be dealing with in this life...I have Jesus Christ's example and love to be thankful for because I know that I will be Ok...

My Son has been a strength to me the last 2 1/2 years because I have seen him go through tests and a surgeries and doctors, and recoveries that has brought him so much pain and emotional discomfort, but after each surgery, each doctor's appointment, each needle poked to his finger/thigh, and all that good stuff...he fights back and hard...strong, and valiant. He comes out better and strongger. It has been a great couple years being one to stay with him and learn from his example.

I know I can be strong because my 2 yr old son is...

Last night's event...

2009-11-11T09:53:00.001-08:00

So on my FB status, I thanked my husband for being so willing to watch Kohath while I party. I had to got o a conference with my future(hopefully) employer about real estate and while at the event...I kept looking at my Phone...I suddenly missed kohath. and when it rang the first time...I ran to the back of the room and quickly answered it. I was scared that something might have happened to my son...but it was just kamille asking me how it was going...I should have listened to JV when she said to put my phone on silent mode.

After the event, my two boys met me and found out what they did for daddy and son time. Guess...shopping at burlington coat factory...

I would not be surprised when Kohath grows older that he will get daddy's "being fond of shopping" attitude. It was funny cos Kohath came home with a stripes oshkosh b gosh shirt, a blue nautica shirt, and a cream sean john jacket. I said....OMG this kid has dad's taste with clothes...now i really need to find a job.

Thoughts...

2009-10-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

At church one sunday, a song entitled "have I done any good in the world today" was sung. And then I thought of my yesterdays deeds. I have never really done worth remembering, and note worthy. I do not feel like I have been able to influence others for good. I feel like my spiritual and emphatic life has been stagnant for quite a long time now.

I wish I was a better person, a better friend, a better mother, a better wife, a better sister, a better daughter. Life is too short to live it only superficially. Asa personal goal, I wish to put myself more out in the open to be more helpful and not expect anything n return for it. And maybe the next time the song "have i done any good in the world today" is sang in Church, I will have a better feeling than the one I had that one sunday at church.

sobrang hirap...

2009-05-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

sa totoo lang sobrang stressed na ako dahil sobrang hirap maghanap ng bahay. Sobrang hirap din maghanap ng Realtor na talagang totoong tumulong dahil lang gusto nyang tumulong. Di ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Medyo on hold pa ngayon ang pagbili ng bahay dahil sa katangahan ng aming realtor...pinull nila ang aming credit before ng 30 days so bumaba nanaman and credit score ...hay katangahan talaga ng mga tao. so ngayon, kelangan ulit namin maghintay ng 30 days bago ulit mapreapprove. my gosh...di ko alam ang gagwin ko...pero nasurprise talaga ako kasi kabaliktaran ng reaction na ineexpet ko ang naging reaction ng aking mahal na asawa. sabi lang nya...siguro hon, di pa tym para makabili tayo ng bahay. Kelangan pa siguro nating magipon ng pang down and everything. So now ok na ako...medyo stressed parin pero mas ok na ako kasi calm si kamille. Pero pag natalo ang LA Lakers ngayong gabi...lagot na dahil yun ang magiging trigger ng pagkatopak ni kamille. So good luck nalang sa lakers...sana eh manalo sila...

My cute little Kohath under the influence of heavy medication...

2009-04-28T16:24:00.000-07:00

On Monday the 20th of April, kohath finally had his surgery. It was a terrible day to do it because we were down south the weekend before. Spent a few days with family and friends and got home at 12 midnight that sunday. We then had to get up at 3am to get to Madera at 6m in time for his scheduled surgery. He was trying to wake up but was still looking sleepy...

When we got there, he was still playing and was enjoying the toys they had at the Day Surgery.

H1B cap 2010 was not hit during first 5 days. So, this is good news to companies that submitted H1B this year. There will be no lottery.

2009-04-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, kamille send me an email he got from CBIZ HR and their Lawyers saying how their H1B visa has been accepted and is in process and that all 6 applicants will be relieved to know of this event. So kamille and i were excited yet hesitant to be relieved...so today i was going through Caping updates for h1b's and i found this article on www.happyschoolsblog.com/h1b-cap-fy-2010-not-hit/ and it says everything reassuring.

The last year was trully a trying time for me because of uncertainties of our situation. the hardest were the last couple of months because i have been stressing out so much because of how uncertain our future could be without Kamille's H1B. Prayers are really answered if the desires of our hearts are pure.

A few weeks ago, i was accused of not being true to the promises I made when I signed a contract for IWES at BYUH, which is to return home after I finish school. I was even told that if I were true to my word, I should prove this person wrong...and that I should go home and do what I said I was to do after graduation. After that accusation, I thought to myself...he might have a point...although I am still in the states legally because my husband was given an opportunity to stay and work here. So I talked to family and friends and others who might be of comfort...The Lord , in prayers being the first I turned to. All these people had different yet so similar effect on me and had been able to comfort me through this struggle.

Overall, I know I am where I am, with people I need to be around with, and doing what I am doing because of the choices I made through the help of the Lord. I know that others may think otherwise, but I know that the Lord is happy with my decision to keep my family together, be a support to my wonderful husband and son.

It was not so easy to decide to stay in the States. We struggled too. Being away from family was the biggest concern..but as we look forward with faith and determination applying everything we have learned in life, we will be better people, and along the way touch at least one person we meet and make a difference in their life.

Still going through a little bit of stress because we may not be so certain until kamille has the approval, but I know the Lord knows what we need and that he will grant us blessings if we do what is right.

Pre-surgery memories worth remembering part 1

2009-04-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

Kohath was born with hypospadias and needs to go through reconstructive surgery. We visited with the doctor at the Children's hospital in Madera on the 17th of february. He saw the doctor and explained the surgery to us. She also required that he gets three shots, once a week, for three weeks before the scheduled surgery....

So first obstacle was to find the shots here in bakersfield so we don't have to drive up to madera everytime...That would save us almost 18 hours of travel for three weeks. But then out of one month of searching for pharmacies and hospitals that could supply us with the medications, none of them worked. So we ended up having to drive up to madera every week to get koko's HCG shots.

Second Obstacle: Since I dont drive...i have to find rides...and that was a struggle too...Thanks to my friends from the family ward we go to, I was able to find rides to appointments...but today...the 8th of april, the person who was suppose to take us came down with shingles so we had to find a different ride last minute.

April 8, we woke up early to get ready...koko got changed after his shower, and as i was getting everything ready...i heard him push hard...and then i looked at the clock and it was 8:20am already. 10 min before our ride arrives...he needed a diaper change...he sees to it that he gets his diaper dirty...just to test my patience... but it was better than having him do it on the way to madera...I was calm of all days...I get panicky at times because i hate making people wait on me. Anyways we get to Madera..and everything that could go wrong...with tubes connecting the Pharmacy from the urology Bldg not working...and kohath not wanting to get his weight measured...to forgeting to bring tissue for his runny nose...it was just a bit challenging...

So while waiting on the shot to come...kohath was so amazed at the opening and closing mechanism of drawers and doors of cabinets at the exam room. So he opens and closes the doors and drawers. He slammed a drawer and smashed his fingers once...cried so hard...for about 3-5 second he kept crying and screaming...then I(clueless) turned and saw his left fingers being smashed by his pushing the drawer by his right hand...I for a second thought it was the funniest thing in the world...but then i took him in my hands, kissed his fingers and let him cry out his pain... Another thing he found from the opening of drawers were lab gowns they had for babies. he took one and tried to put it on by himself...but i had to help him...

Finally the nurse came and gave him the shot...after a gazillion years of waiting...finally she comes...we wait for 10 min just to make sure everything was good...then it was time to leave. Kohath wont take off the hospital gown...he would cry so hard that we had to take the gown home with us.

When we got home, he realized he didnt have his gown on, he started crying asking for it. So i had to put it on him...So there he is...pictures will be posted soon...

KOKO has been so appreciative of my work...

2009-03-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

So, about a couple months ago, kamille had me fix his pants. Needless to say...I ruined it and it has been sitting in the closet for quite sometime. So I found out that Claire had a sewing machine and so i worked my magic and made koko a pair of pants and a vest for sunday. KOKO even wanted to wear his vest while playing around the house. He thought it was the nicest pair of Sunday Clothes he has ever had...hehehhe I hope it stays this way. I still need to alter the pants though coz it was too big for koko that it was falling off while he was walking...Kamille came home last night and thought it was a great effort but I thought he was just saying it because he wanted me to feel good about it. but i dont care...hehhehehe

I am proud to be an Engineer's Daughter

2009-03-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

So I was going through my email today and found this story sent to me by a friend. Refer to the Temple story on my notes on facebook... It made me think of how wonderful it is to have a father who has gone through similar experiences as this man. He was able to do projects for the church and being able to see what people in his field go through, i know that i am blessed to have a dad so great in everything he does...

Malayopa ang fathers day, but papa, if you ever come across this blog, we want you to know that we appreciate you and love you so much. You are a great example to me and Kamille. Thank you for all you do for us.

Lessons learned the last few days...

2009-02-25T12:16:00.000-08:00

It has not been easy these past few days. I think it was because of so many reasons. I have been through a lot myself and learned a few lessons on the way. But these last couple days, these lessons have been reaffirmed by recent experiences of mine or others close to me.

My older sister has gone through tough times more than ten years ago. And I see this happening to a friend of mine now. It for sure is a hard time for both parties. I learned that my parents may not seem to be right at the time i am going through my experiences, but along the way, I have found that my parents were right. They want what's best for their kids. A reaffirmation of this lesson was that of what happened just yesterday. Kohath took his nap around 11am and i had to go downstairs to do a load of laundry. then I hear Kohath crying..so i ran upstairs...only to find him on the third step of our stairs crying. Then I felt so bad that I was not there to protect him. I was not careful enough. I should be the mom who knows best for my child. I should be the one who keep my son away from harm...and to see my son away from the bed...on the stairs...I knew I needed to be more careful.

Being a parent is not an easy task. Even being a wife is tough. When I was younger, I thought it was always easy for my parents because all they did was work and give us a home, clothes, food...and everything was ok. It was always easy...but now that I am a parent myself, it is far from easy. It is hard work and it takes effort, patience and unconditional love to be a spouse and a parent. I am just thankful that I have learned so much from my past experiences.

I have also learned how much Kamille loves his son. He will do everything to protect Kohath.

It has been great to know that I have a son that needs me and a husband that cares. I would have to say that I have a good marriage and a good life ahead of me because of all the good choices I was able to make throughout this experience. Without friends and family who supported and guided us, we will not be where we are right now.

Anyways...so much lessons learned so little time to write about it...and so few words to explain how I am feeling right now. Needless to say, even if we think we know what we want and what is right, sometimes our choices may not be in the right track, but with the help of friends and family who loves us and wants us to live the good life..accompanied with making our own choices...and of couse with the help of our HF...we will be guided.

Feb. 14-23, 2009

2009-02-23T14:16:00.000-08:00

Kohath Liam just turned 13 months and has had so much progress. He still is the slow eater and cry baby that he is...but he is now fond of walking...and making me come get him. He is starting to run away from me now...I have been starting to get my daily dose of exercise because I try to run after kohath.

He has been so enthusiastic about walking. He perks up and smiles when he suddenly notice that Kamille and I watch him walk. He just stops and has this grin on his face like..."you are not getting anymore of my walking....I know I am cute...but hey...you jsut have to be so proud of me right now Huhhh?"

It has been an amazing couple of weeks seeing Kohath grow. Funny though coz his doctor asked me to give him pediasure to drink just for him to gain a little more weight...and he has been pooping like crazy. til next time...

Married life...

2009-02-18T17:17:00.000-08:00

At an early age, 19 to be exact, i was able to find a true love. My true love. It was a roaller coaster ride but it was a great experience. Kamille and I first met when we were 12 at a youth conference and it was funny because after that youth conference, his mom tried to match us up. After a while...we found ourselves meeting at an institute event and finally being friends. We really started as friends and then more than friends but not yet lovers....after a short time, We both realized that we felt more for each other.

On the 28th of December 2001, we were able to spend time together, and after we got home from that friendly date, we both realized that we wanted more...we wanted to have more. On the 29th of December, about 2 am i told him i love him. It was great. I had butterflies...

It was not always fun and games. We had so many oppositions. My parents wanted us to serve missions and finish our education. It was hard at first, but we were able to get through tough times. We were able to go on our missions, and finish school. We decided to get married April 26, 2007. We just got back from our missions, had no money, and had no family in Hawaii to support us with the wedding. But we had to decide what we wanted to do and we went for it.

It was hard...life was not easy...But kamille was there for me throughout the process. We laughed and cried and had arguments and great talks. But through it all we ended up being able to do what we wanted and had the life we always wished for. I would have to admit, it was the hardest year that has passed. Kamille had to leave for his internship to the mainland after 10 days of getting married. I found out I was pregnant while kamille was away. I had morning sickness all the time. I had to get my mom to take care of koko the first three months. We ended up moving to California for Kamille's work. I was not able to work for a lot of reasons. We had to live within our means because we had to make sure that we had something for a rainy day. There are so much more to the complications of life, but there's too little space to tell you everything that has happened.

But through the hardships kamille and I have gone through, I only know that we are much better people, parents and friends. We came to realize that as long as we have each other we can be a good influence to our son Kohath Liam. After all, getting married and having our own family is a blessing in itself. Kohath Liam is truly a gift from Heaven.

At the end of the day, I look back at my life and never regret the things i have always wanted to do and was able to accomplish. Thanks to parents who raised me with integrity and dignity, i was able to prove others wrong, especially myself. I love married life...and so should anyone thinking of getting married. It will not be easy but for sure worth everything in this world...or even more.

Personality Test...

2009-02-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so i was just wondering what i should write about...then Kamille and I had a really interesting argument about something I will not tell you what it is...but i really find it interesting. I might even give it away after i talk about our personalities here in a sec.

Anyways, it became clear to me na sobra pala talagang seloso at keen observer and aking hubby na si Kamille. He remembers things really well...even if it was from a long time ago. He tends to keep things inside of him and then when he thinks it's safe...then he opens up... I might not be making sense to you but it makes sense to me.

Ako naman on the other hand...I am so friendly, I tend to remember so little about things that i should remember more. And when I talk about the past, i leave things out unintentionally. Maybe i do so unintentionally to not hurt other people's feelings. Crazy...but i need to be different..i need t change...

Kohath on the other hand, is like his dad...kahit lagi akong impatient sa kanya t minsan he doesn't get what he wants from me all the time(umiiyak) he still keeps crawling back to me. He luvs me for who i am and kahit na minsan pinaiiyak ko sya...he still luvs me and keeps me grateful for having him in my life.

Although we are different in many ways, Kamille, Kohath and I share things I am grateful for. At the end of the day, we kiss and make up and hope for good days ahead of us. I would never dream of having a better life than what I have right now. I have two of the most wonderful men I could possibly imagine.

Just thought of another topic i want to write about...How great married life is...so watch out for that post...

Surprises....

2009-02-14T11:09:00.001-08:00

So, you have to understand the Kamile and I are not that patient when it comes to surprises. Also we are too practical when it comes to spending that we would rather buy food than perishable stuff like flowers and all that kind of stuff...But I am just excited to talk about what my hubby did for me this Valentines day.

Ok let me back up a little bit. So I am the kind of person who appreciates the smallest kind of flower or the cheapest things as long as it is given from the heart...Kamille is not so sentimental like that. I remember when we were still at BYUH i would joke about how he could have given me hibiscus flowers or a plumeria flower he finds while walking from Hale 4 to Hale 1. But it would take reminding and a lot of sarcasm before he would give me any kind of flower. So now you see how my hubby is...so now...2009 valentines day comes...and we started teasing each other of what we were getting each other for valentines day.

I told him how it would be nice to be surprised with a dozen roses for valentines day. We were at Costco on the 12th and i was looking at their flower stand and saw $50 bunches...and I thought to myself...I'd be ok with just a flower he picks from the front of our apartment...it's the thought that counts right? But then, on Friday night, he rang the doorbell...koko and I ran to the door in a hurry and was surprised that Kamille had a dozen red roses and a big kiss for me and Kohath. Later he told me his plan...that made my valentines even more special. He said he was supposed to put the flowers on my bedside early saturday morning before he went to work that morning. With the flowers, he would have kissed me and hugged me and i thinks he said that came with breakfast in bed? (wink) But then...as he was driving home...sabi nya...my flowers will die if I didn't put them in water.. so he ended up giving me the fowers the night before valentines.

I would have to say that he is the best husband ever...because of how much love he has for me and Kohath. We drove to LA to spend time with Liz and Mar, and our drive back to Bakersfield was more special because of how much more new little reasons and things we were able to share with each other. Although we have tough times (because we are the same in many ways...that we end up fighting about little things..) we know that we love each other and I would have to admit that Kamille is my best friend and only love.

Where my strength came from...

2009-02-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

There was a time in my life when I made wrong choices. I grew up in the church, taught correct values, raised by parents who guided me in the right path and in the gospel. But then, in life, we come to a point where we make our own choices. We will be with people who influence us either for good or bad. I was in High School and had friends who influenced me away from what I have been raised. I made wrong choices...I found myself doing things that I now regret. Aside from high school mistakes, I did some more mistakes that had major consequences...However, I had help...I found out who my true friends were ...My family were my strength. They accepted me for who I am, for the things I have done, and for who I can become.

My family gave me the support I needed to be able to pick up the pieces, stand tall, and start a new life. Without their support, I would have not been able to go to BYUH and finish school, serve a full time mission, get married in the temple and be the person who the Lord wanted me to be. Now, I am a mother to Kohath, i can say that I am a better mother to him because of all the good and bad experiences I was able to overcome. I know that the Lord tries and tests us throughout this life that we may know for ourselves the truth of all things necessary for us to return to His presence, and be an influence to our posterity for good.

Knowing my potential and what I can become has helped me be stronger. I know that I can be who the Lord wants me to be if I make good choices. But I can only do so if I know my potential and am strong to withstand temptation. Thanks to my hubby for being a continuous example and support to me, I am reminded every now and then...

Getting to know each of us...

2008-12-09T15:37:00.000-08:00

Kamille V. Pascual is the eldest of two, grew up in Tarlac and enjoyed school so much. He graduated second in his class. Aside from educational achievements, he excelled in co-curricular activities. He was given the chance to serve as the Corps Commander for CAT in High School and he loves telling stories of what they did back then. He also loves singing...everyone in his family does...but he is too shy to admit that he is good....but trust me he is. He would even want to invest in a "magicsing" someday... He also loves cars and movies. He could sit in front of the TV all day, and would not get tired of it. He loves his family and believe me when i say, he spoils his son so much. His joy comes from the love of his life...KOKO..and of course...Me. He is the most amazing dad ever and the most supportive hubby ever. He may have been seen to be "mayabang" to others who do not know him...but i can assure you na may ipagmamayabang sya...hehehehe I mean he does have everything to be grateful for. He is my deliciously hot hubby...kahit malaki na ang tyan nya...i still think he is hot...

As for the mom of the house...Iris Yvonne Cabrito Pascual...I am one of three daughters, middle child....but i don't think I don't have the middle child syndrome. I love being lazy...and i am not so proud of that. When i was growing up, i was so skinny. I could eat a pan of ripe mango refrigerator cake and 2 litters coke in one sitting...ask my little chabelita sister...coz she was my snack partner. I can speak 2 languages and 2 other dialects....English, Tagalog, Ilokano, and Bicol. I would have to say that I was a good student. I would have to say that I just was lazy in college. I could have done better. But to compensate on that, I have experienced stuff the hard way and learned lessons the hard way...And I know that I am better than anyone thinks I am. I will lay everything for my friends...especially my best friend...my hubby. I love cooking...but thankfully kamille has taught me to be better at cooking because like my dad...maraming comments about my cooking. Anyways...you'll know more about me as you continue to follow our blog.

Our little Angel... Kohath Liam Cabrito Pascual...is my little monster...Daddy calls him his little monster becasue he can be a monster just right after he wakes up and does not find me beside him. He was born the same day as Lola Oba...(Yvonne's mom) and they are so much alike in so many ways. He is a strong baby, coz like his cousin Kinjiro Sean, he had his first surgery before he was 2 months old. He will be going through another surgery in April of 2009. He also has the strangest personality. He can be happy when he choose to...he can even cry his lungs out. He has been a blessing to us. He is the super glue to our family. Sometimes I think of how lucky I am to be his mother because Heavenly Father gave him a chance to choose to come to our family. I could never be so grateful for what a wonderful blessing he is to me. He is a joy to me and his dad.